Monday, March 31, 2008

White Lab Coat Optional

New and Improved! Be the first one on your block to test the paternity of your children! Makes the perfect Christmas gift!

So you thought that only scientists could run DNA tests. Takes a head full of knowledge, years of education and experience with scientific instruments to determine paternity. How wrong you are.

For only $29.99, you can pick up a do-it-yourself Junior Scientist test kit. To get any results back, you'll have to pay an additional $119.99. Science does not come cheap.

Imagine the home-based business you could run. At PTA meetings, at the local, at soccer games or wherever parents congregate, a whispering campaign targeting fathers could generate untold of revenues. Little Taylor there doesn't look a bit like her father, you say, and by planting enough bugs in enough paternal heads, who knows how many men would ask you to be sure that the offspring they support are actually theirs.

Women have it easy. They know they're the mother and everyone knows they're the mother, but the father? Could be any sperm donor when you get right down to it. Nervous fathers across the land will be snapping up the kits and anxiously awaiting the news that their daughter is actually another man's.....son. There is always some inherent chance of sampling or clerical error, which could lead to some truly ugly divorce proceedings.

Determined to test the kids? You're also questioning your partner's honesty. Not exactly the best way to solidify a relationship.

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