July Book Club Selection

From what I've heard, Jodi Picoult is a best-selling author. So if I read her book, I can analyze it and get a better understanding of what makes a best-seller.

So here I sit with a copy of Vanishing Acts. I've had it since Monday night and today it's Thursday. For all intents and purposes, I have finished the book, although I didn't read much of it at all. I didn't like it. If not for Book Club, I would have skimmed the opening pages and immediately put the thing back on the shelf. But this is what sells.

First person point of view? Hate it. The whole book is done up in first person POV, but the person possessed of that POV rotates through the list of characters. Clever? I had to keep going back to the beginning to figure out who was who. You see, the chapter is titled with the appropriate name that matches the POV. There's some funky fonts as well to help out, but the old eyes aren't what they once were, and the font jumble gets exceedingly annoying after a while. Sort of like the printer screwed up, ran out of type or was fooling around with the Word program. And to top it all off, the whole novel is written in present tense. Strike three! You're out!

On Tuesday morning, I started in, only to find my eyes crossing. I could not, no matter how I tried, get into the flow of the narrative. It's a very subjective business, you see, and from my vantage point, this one is not right for my list. But it's book club, after all, and how can you talk over a novel without reading it? So I did the best I could without Cliff Notes. I skimmed. I read the beginnings of sentences to pick up the core of the story. I turned pages, eyes flittering over the middle paragraph to see if there was anything in there worth reading.

Last night, I could take no more. I turned to the last couple of chapters and skimmed through, where the conflict was resolved and the loose ends tied up. And that's it. I've done my bit for book club this month.

So this is what makes a best-seller. Pick a topic that Oprah could do a show on. In Vanishing Acts, the topic is culled from the pages of, well, not the NYT. Man marries drunk, sues for divorce, daughter gets molested by wife's lover, man kidnaps daughter to protect her from Mom's pervert boyfriend, shit hits fan after man's secret identity revealed, blah, blah, blah. To me, this is not captivating.

Could I write something like this? Without laughing over the inanity? Probably. For the sake of being published, maybe this is the way to go, but it's hard to write while holding one's nose.

Pencil a trip to the local library into today's schedule. I'm desperate for something to read...something worth reading. Back in the stacks, where the well-thumbed literature is stored, I'll find some quality reading that will be entertaining without having to rely on annoying gimmicks. Just tell me a story, for feck's sake. And that's my subjective opinion. Other literary agents may feel differently.

Jodi Picoult