If You Can't Beat 'em

The French are so clever. They set the pace in food and fashion, and now they've shown us another way to get ahead.

Who would not love such a father as one who would poison his children's athletic rivals? Lara Marlowe reports from Paris on a case that makes the Texas cheerleader mom seem, sadly, declasse. The poor woman could have ensured her daughter's cheerleading future if she only had the foresight to dose all rivals with sedatives an hour before tryouts. Her little girl would have starred, being the only one who was not nodding off.

Unfortunately for M. Fauviau, he failed to swipe the gentleman's car keys and prevent him from driving while under the influence. But for that tragic error, the Fauviau children could have set French tennis on fire and no one would be any the wiser. Despite his mistake, the doting pere made the grandest of gestures, going that extra kilometer for his offspring.

The fact that Fauviau was a former soldier could trigger a new round of 'cheese eating surrender monkey' satire in some quarters. Is he to be faulted because the French Army does not provide training in poisoning and doping? It's not as if he was in the Special Forces.

Fair play to you, Fauviau. Every parent whose child is involved in sports and competition can relate to your anxiety. Who's to say that another of us might not go just as mad?