Haven't I Seen You Before?

Hollywood is getting ready to deliver us another new film, according to an article in the Irish Times - can't link to it, sorry. You'll have to buy the paper.

Mr. John Moore, born in Ireland but making it big in the big time, was filming his blockbuster in Croatia. Lots of films are done in Eastern Europe these days, simply because it's cheaper. Looking to maximize profits, our boy was grinding out miles of film when the protests erupted.

"Last December, about a week before we were to go to Croatia, the [ alleged] war criminal Ante Gotovina was picked up in the Canary Islands. Part of the deal to get Croatia into the EU was that Croatia would have to hand him over to the war crimes tribunal.

"The Croatian government asked the Catholic Church to help them get people's [ acceptance] and the church's condition was that we be kicked out." Or so Mr. Moore believes. After his sets were vandalized, burned to cinders, he pulled up stakes and took off for the Czech Republic, and eventually he'll be back home to finish off.

What movie could so upset Their Eminences? That most dangerous of films, The Omen, in which the Antichrist makes his appearance as an ambassador's son. Done in 1976, it's been thirty years, and time for the next generation of horror.

We've been given the Dukes of Hazzard, again. Bewitched, again. The Hills Have Eyes, The Pink Panther, The Shaggy Dog, King Kong, The Producers...Christ, I'm getting exhausted. And now, Mr. Moore is trying to stick us with another remake? The people of Croatia aren't having any of it. It wasn't the Catholic Church that wanted the film crew kicked out. The Croatians were doing the world a favor.

Enough of the reruns, give us something new, the Croatian vandals implied. There must be dozens of Croatian screenwriters who would jump at the chance to get their story out there. Unfortunately, the Hollywood moguls would have to - dare I suggest it - take a chance on something that is not tried and true.

All this talk and hand-wringing over the decline in movie going - and they've yet to figure out that people don't want to watch re-runs? Maybe it's time to take a clue from the Croatians and kick the film crews out until they come home with something that isn't so frayed and worn.