Look Before You Leap

Leap year day is upon us. By tradition, women are allowed to turn the tables on the men and do the proposing when they've marriage in mind.

At the same time, some alarming news has come out of New York. It seems that Gabriel Byrne, the Dublin-born actor, has been declared "hot" and "a hunk, totally". It's his hands, some say, so expressive.

He listens with a rapt expression, exuding sensitivity while his beady little Irish eyes and great honking potato nose preclude any suggestion of softness. He's a manly man, but he's vulnerable and cuddly and you'd like to take him home and fix him a nice cuppa tea.

Through transference, women will pick up on Irish accents and associate the sound with Gabriel Byrne's sensitive psychiatrist from In Treatment. With Mr. Byrne on the mind, they're liable to fall head over heels for that Irish ex-pat at the end of the bar, and with Leap Year Day as an excuse, it's a mistake in the making.

Should you find yourself falling into this trap, keep in mind the advice of my elderly neighbor. Don't marry an Irishman, she said, they won't notice if you're covered in soot or dressed up to the nines. Marry an Italian. He'll always tell you how beautiful you look.