Thursday, January 03, 2008

The Word Diet

After the holidays, you're feeling a bit larger than usual. Too much food that's high in fat and sugar and precious little nutrition has caused your waistband to shrink, and you've resolved this New Year to drop a few kilos.

Sure you could try some difficult to follow diet like Atkins or South Beach. You could swallow any and every get-thin-quick powder and pill. Or you could write.

Imagine the literary agent getting Julia Cameron's latest manuscript. What genre might this be? Stephen King's On Writing meets the dieting book. How could The Writing Diet: Write Yourself Right-Size possibly miss?

You're a writer yourself, aren't you? And being engaged in a solitary and sedentary occupation, you're battling the bulge. There's little time for writing, what with the need to make a living and all, so where are you to find a minute to spare for exercise?

Ms. Cameron has it all figured out. Sit down and write, and watch the pounds drop away.

Get so involved in your words that you don't have time to eat. What could be simpler, and so highly productive? It's possible to get down to a very svelte weight while composing a charming historical romance novel, so that by the time you're out on the book tour, you're more attractive and you'll sell more copies. Sell through and your next book deal will come with a bigger advance.

This is a can't miss approach to weight loss. How do you feel this morning? Write it down, instead of soothing the ache in your heart with a glazed donut. What are you thinking about after he walks out on you? Write it down, and skip the pint of ice cream that usually eased the pain. Suffering from writer's block? No indeed, you're thinking about food instead of words so sit down at the keyboard and express your inner emotions.

Other literary agents are no doubt groaning in anticipation. Once you've got all those feelings and angst written out, you'll be looking for a publisher, and the romance reps will be swamped with an even bigger pile of weepy slush.

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