Solving the Mystery

Thank heavens for the wise members of the European Parliament. They are convinced that the U.S., or more accurately, the CIA, has been "outsourcing torture" to paraphrase Dick Marty.

Dead-eye Dick is a Swiss investigator with the Council of Europe human rights group, and by God, he's got the smoking gun now. Admissions of guilt, if you turn your head the right way and squint a bit. They're all in on it, the whole world, and the CIA is at the center of this cruel universe.

Plane spotters have tracked several private jets that are leased to the CIA. These planes have landed all over Europe, thousands of flights, and the Council of Europe just knows that these are rendition flights, hauling so-called terrorists from one place to another where they can be tortured into confessions. Except, unfortunately, that there is no proof. No one has seen a shackled, boiler-suited and bearded gent on any of the flights. No one has seen the same type of character disembark in a torture-friendly nation. But Dick Marty is not one to let facts get in the way of his theory, oh no indeed.

In regard to the rendition of Abu Omar from Milan, Dicky-boy has evidence that the Italians were in on it. Because someone in the CIA said that the rendition could not have happened if the Italians weren't in on it. But the Italians are saying they don't know a thing about it. In Marty's world, the fact that someone in the CIA said what they said is tantamount to a confession. Poor man doesn't know a smartass comment when it rears up and bites him on the arse.

Portugal's M.E.P., Carlos Coelho, also believes that European countries are colluding with the U.S., since someone in the know told him that renditions could not work without the knowledge of the European country in question. Are you just now figuring that out, son? It's not the evil old U.S. of A. going off on its own, willy-nilly, riding roughshod over the innocent souls of Europe. In fact, it's beginning to sound like the heads of state in Europe understand the dangers of Islamo-Nazism and they're more than happy to come to the aid of the Yanks, just don't tell the neighbors.

Talk of human rights is fine, but it's always a good idea to remember that other people have rights too. Like the right to worship God as they see fit, dress as they like, that sort of thing. That sound you hear is Dick Marty, hopping up and down on his soapbox, ranting about the imagined abuse of terrorists. No one seems to be listening to him. Must be frustrating.