In Praise of Government Watchdogs

The big city is a dangerous place, where ruthless criminals prey upon the old, the weak and the gullible. Our only hope is the vigilance of our elected representatives, those wise few who make the laws that protect our rights.

And so, I sing the praises of the Chicago City Council, an august body that has taken a daring step.

Have they banned automatic weapons or assault rifles? Well, not yet, no. That's a difficult nut to crack, what with the amendments and the Constitutional lawyers splitting hairs. But they have declared the city a nuclear weapon free zone. Just let some terrorist try to set off a dirty bomb at State and Madison, and see what happens. Chicago's finest would be on it like flies on shite.

Is it a charity initiative, you might ask? Has the council set up a taskforce or a committee to help the bums who were kicked out of Skid Row when the area was gentrified? Maybe the aldermen are doing something to provide Single Room Occupancy housing for those on the bottom of the economic ladder? Ah, well now, you see, not just yet. There's zoning issues that gum up the works, and when you talk real estate, it's location, location, location. I'm sure they're working on the problem.

Hurrah for the Chicago City Council. The town that gave the world Bathhouse John Coughlin and Al Capone has banned foie gras,the fatty goose liver delicacy that was invented in France.

Yes, it's true, they've taken that major step to protect the livers of Illinois' geese. Well, not the geese that are raised in Illinois. There's not one farm that produces foie gras in the entire state.

Come the first of June, those who serve and protect will be entering the top restaurants, inspecting the kitchens and arresting chefs who dare to put goose liver on a plate with a notion to serve it to someone who wants to eat it. Praise the Lord! We've been in dire need of such legislation. You want to spread that goose liver pate on toast points? Go on out to the suburbs with the rest of the gourmands, but you'll not be eating that in the city.

What's next? A ban on black pudding because it contains pig blood? Let them eat cake instead of czarnina, as long as that cake is duck blood free!

Ah, Chicago. The schools are crumbling, the students go in dumb and come out dumber, the streets are full of potholes, and the administration is on the take. Come June, though, you won't be able to order foie gras in the restaurants or buy it in the specialty shops. Glad to see the aldermen have their priorities in order.