Cold Mountain Gets Hot

Everyone searching for an agent asks how they can get one of those high-powered elite types, like Binky Urban. The secret has been revealed, and it has been splashed all over the pages of the New York Times.

You don't have to write a complete and polished manuscript. A one page outline will do, and you could take four years to write the novel if you liked. The publisher will pay you a ginormous advance, and Binky will represent you and the choirs of angels will sing in heaven.

Of course there's a catch. To gain all of the above, you only have to write a best seller to prove your street creds. That's what Charles Frazier did with his blockbuster literary work Cold Mountain. Sold like mad, became a movie, and everyone was happy. Mr. Frazier got a fairly hefty advance on it as well, so he must have had a respectable agent before he settled into Binky's stable.

His editor, Elisabeth Schmitz, was dropped by the wayside because the one-page outline and all its promise was sold at auction to a different house. Her little nestling, nurtured and coddled into bookselling glory, tried his wings and flew away to Random House. And you worry about the propriety of sending your agent a box of chocolates for Christmas? They should be grateful that you haven't sent them packing, leaving them for the 'other woman'.

He was all talk, oh, my darling, I want you to edit my next book, we'll be together always, and then, slam bam. He runs off with Binky, who leads him astray and off to another publisher and a different editor. Ah, she's a homewrecker, that one, coming between a happy couple and sharing in the bounty of a big advance while Ms. Schmitz sits at home with nothing but her memories.

Needless to say, Random House is holding its corporate breath, having paid out a few million on a gamble. They are betting that the readers of Cold Mountain will fall equally in love with the next novel, and there's no guarantee of that. There's an equal chance that the public will reject the book as thoroughly as agents have rejected mine, and the editor at Random House must have found plenty of unimpressive writing when he worked on the first draft of the manuscript. According to the NYT article, Mr. Frazier was due to complete the novel in time for a 2005 release, but he's been working on revisions. And it's half past 2006 nearly.

Can the lad sell 625,000 copies to justify the advance and justify the publication of a third novel? Binky's dazzled him, to be sure, but she won't stick around if he can't deliver the goods.

So, how do you get a top agent like Binky Urban? Prove yourself. She won't waste her time on the small beer. And here you thought there was a way for a first timer to nab the leading lady. No, no, to acquire a trophy agent, you have to have the success first, and then the world is your oyster. As long as you keep producing,that is.