Alderman And Theater Director

Chicago alderman Ed Smith has donned another cap and taken over as director of the hit musical, "The Jersey Boys."

There is no smoking in public buildings, ever, in the city of Chicago. Not ever.

The problem is, theater directors have a habit of utilizing props that fit the era of the play they are directing, so Mr. Smith had no choice but to take over the production of "The Jersey Boys." Such authenticity has no place in Chicago, not when Alderman Smith is in charge of everyone's health and well-being. You're too feckin' stupid to mind your own self, so he's doing it for you.

If you have seen the show in New York, and then see it in Chicago, you might notice the long gaps that once were filled with actors on stage, puffing away. In keeping with the new ordinance, Mr. Smith has re-worked the stage directions so that the actors now go outside, like everyone else must do, to have a smoke.

Although it makes for odd gaps and slows the performance, Mr. Smith feels that his new version not only holds to his beloved ordinance, but reinforces the spirit of the law. Foolish actors, who will do just about anything to be true to the character they portray, no longer have to be exposed to smoke just because Frankie Valle and his crew indulged in tobacco. Audience members no longer are exposed to the possibility of a minute trace of second-hand smoke.

And once again, Chicago comes across as ridiculous and small-minded, the unsophisticated rube who can boast of the nation's highest sales taxes and pettiness on a mind-bogling scale.