250,000 Apologies

We're sorry. So very sorry. Oh, so very, very sorry.

The Dubliner magazine did what it does best -- publish that which is "...cheap, tasteless and deliberately offensive." We should have talked it over with the woman we insulted by our cheap vulgar lie, but don't worry, Mrs. Tiger Woods. We'll never be doing that again.

After creating nude photos of Elin Nordegren Woods last September, and publishing them in their precious rag, the editors of The Dubliner discovered that their wee prank was not so amusing. They were taken to court, where Mr. Justice Eamon de Valera (he is indeed related to himself) presided over a slavering mea culpa.

EU250,000 is the amount of money it will take to make this all go away, and only half will have to be paid if The Dubliner jumps through a few flaming hoops. The portion of the settlement that must be paid will be donated to various cancer charities and dedicated to the memory of golfer Darren Clarke's late wife. Such graciousness only makes the magazine look that much more cheap and vulgar, to say nothing of extremely rude.

Eoin McCullough, legal representative of the defendants, had to read out a long-winded apology as part of the deal to save The Dubliner half the fine. The photo wasn't her, he said, and that bit in the article about other nude snaps being available on the Internet? Complete cod as well. The story was hurtful, the story was false, the story was shameful...there was no excuse.

"Basic decency ought to have prevented the article from being published," Mr. McCullough read into the record, and editors the world over slapped their foreheads and said, "No shit, Sherlock."

The Dubliner has apologized profusely in court, and next they must apologize profusely in print. And then they have to hit the pavement and sell, sell, sell because they still have to come up with EU125,000 payable in two installments.

Bertie Ahern's friends banded together to dig him out from under. Does anyone at The Dubliner have a few close mates with deep pockets?