Healthy Entrees Will Be Available

Most towns are dotted with empty storefronts these days, as businesses struggle and then die.

In Evanston, Illinois, home to Northwestern University, one property owner would like to reverse the trend. Or at least got some of his real estate turning a profit before he goes broke paying taxes on a vacant parcel.

Local residents, however, aren't on the same page.

This sort of thing as pictured above will not be tolerated in a suburb that was founded by Methodists seeking a bucolic setting for their college. We're talking about the home of the Women's Christian Temperance Union, a town that was dry until the 1970's.

The Tilted Kilt would like to open one of their Irish pub-themed restaurants in Evanston. Themed is the key word. The franchises are far removed from an Irish pub, and bear a remarkable resemblance to Hooters.

There's a general uproar about endangering Evanston's "girl children" (as opposed to old women who refer to one another as "girls"), miseducating (sic) the boys and girls, disrespecting the womenfolk, and insulting some of the men. To say nothing of sexual harassment.

Tilted Kilt's owners say they run a high-end sports bar. There's enough grease on the menu to clog every artery in town.

Petitioners who seek to block the issuing of a liquor license see a bunch of silicone-implanted, semi-nude vixens parading around in Catholic school girl uniforms, which promotes the notion of pedophilia. To say nothing of other sick fantasies. What does that have to do with Celtic themes or dinner?

Ted Mavrakis owns the building where Tilted Kilt plans to open. He scoffs at the complaints about the scanty outfits.

Not that revealing, he says. So the cleavage is popping out of the tops and the midriffs are bare and the skirts are short. You'd see as much at the local swimming pool.

Northwestern professor Gary Fine notes that the ladies of Tilted Kilt have larger endowments than the university (insert rimshot here), but he's not so sure that downtown Evanston is the right sort of place for a sexually-charged bar.

The petition drive to keep a single kilt from tilting is a pretty good indication that the bar would face continued opposition from a population that is exceedingly liberal but as Victorian as their restored period homes.

Like the Hooters franchise that opened in the north suburban shopping enclave of Vernon Hills, a Tilted Kilt could have a brief shelf life. A family-centric suburb won't support semi-nudity, and the Northwestern college students can't afford the prices of a high-end bar.

But at least Mr. Mavrakis could sleep a little easier for the year or two that the Tilted Kilt might exist before going bust (rimshot!).