Saturday, January 31, 2009

No One Died In The Making Of Counterfeit Money

So what if Sean Garland was printing up his own U.S. currency, aided by the North Koreans. No one died, did they? Not a drop of blood was shed, except for the occasional paper cut.

It's all so unfair, to arrest Mr. Garland and extradite him to stand trial for his harmless little forgeries. Murder is one thing, but counterfeiting? No blood, no foul, isn't that how the law is supposed to work?

Like the old Mafia dons when they're finally caught, Sean Garland is wringing his hands, crying over his ill health and he shouldn't be arrested and sent overseas for trial, the poor man, he's just not well.

For now, Mr. Garland is sitting in Cloverhill Prison, waiting for his upcoming court appearance. The government of the Unites States wants to try him for producing funny money, some very well-crafted artificial currency. In a most odd coincidence, Mr. Garland is the national treasurer for the Worker's Party. Raising funds by printing them, is that it?

Did he mention that no one died? No blood shed?

His fellow Worker's Party members want everyone to know that this whole arrest nonsense is nothing more than a ruse, to distract everyone from Ireland's economic crisis. They apparently believe that all of Ireland is up in arms over it, talking about it for hours, working themselves up into a foaming-at-the-mouth frenzy. Everyone except the workers at the Waterford Crystal factory, who are a bit busy sitting-in at the shuttered factory, protesting its abrupt closing.

Eoghan Harris is certainly upset. This former Worker's Party stalwart, who insists that there's no love lost between him and Sean, thinks that the old IRA man was singled out. He didn't kill anyone with his counterfeit bills, did he? It was a bloodless crime, therefore, it's no crime at all.

And Bernard Madoff just made some poor investment decisions. It's a bloodless crime. Why, oh why, must old sick men be made to suffer?

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