Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Please Return To Baggage Claim

We are pleased to inform you that your garment bag has been found. Thank you for your patience while we investigated this matter.

The missing article did not make it to Atlanta after all, but got only as far as one mile from the airport. Well, technically, one half-mile up and then another half-mile in a plummet to earth, but suffice it to say that you can retrieve your garment bag. Be sure to stop by the railroad yard near the airport and thank the nice man who found your bag somewhere in the acres of tracks and boxcars.

Not to worry, because the very next time that a light in the cockpit indicates that a cargo door is ajar, we'll do more to check out that door and not write off the indicator light as faulty and the door as perfectly fine. We've learned our lesson!

As a passenger, you were never in any danger. The very minute that the pilots heard the wind whistling through the plane they knew that something was amiss. Even though they didn't put much credence in the faulty cargo door ajar light, they had enough alarms going off about the lack of pressurization to more than compensate. And as we already mentioned, they heard that breeze blowing and their keen pilot ears pricked up at once.

Our ground crew did check everything visually and gave the flight a thumbs-up, but we have decided to send them all to a respected optometrist to verify that the ground crew will see things more clearly in the future.

Thank you for flying Atlantic Southeast Airlines, in conjunction with Delta Connection. We look forward to serving you better in the future. If you wish to bring a parachute on your next flight, we will be pleased to accommodate the extra bulk.

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