Where's The Beef

Isn't he the arbiter of good taste and quality and excess? Isn't he the proud owner of the old Post estate, Mar a Lago? Isn't he all that and more?

But wait, there's more. Donald Trump is an authority on.....steak. Slabs of muscle from well fed steers, trimmed of fat but yet richly marbled with juicy cholesterol. Prime meat to boot, not that choice cut that the hoi polloi buy when they're in the money. Gourmet quality. Special ....rare ...exclusive ....comes with a side of shite and onions.

There was a time when Hugh Hefner was the arbiter of taste, defining what was cool for the swinging bachelor of the 1960's. Now we have Donald Trump, promoting himself by shilling for just about anything that offers a respectable rate of return. The latest effort is the Trump Steak (patent pending, no doubt) which is offered exclusively by The Sharper Image. Indeed, the very people who have brought you the massage chair, the air purifier, and thousands of other gadgets that serve as toys for adults, are now the one and only source of Trump Steaks and if you want Donald Trump meat you have to go to The Sharper Image.

The man who made his fortune in real estate deals, acting with relatively little ethical concern, is an authority on meat products because.....he eats meat. Did you not think it was as simple as that? No, he's not a cattle man from Montana, nor does he own and operate a feed lot in Nebraska. Just as well, what with the hair so carefully coiffed and a Stetson would only spoil the effect.

The message is plain. Buy Trump Steaks and eat like Donald Trump. Pretend to be a multi-millionaire with a trophy wife, Manhattan real estate and money to burn. Make believe that you are living his life for as long as it takes to chew that hunk of animal protein. But why not take it a step further, and take a cue from Hugh Hefner? The Trump Club, that's what's needed. Live like Trump, with trophy wife-like waitresses serving generous martinis and luscious Trump Steaks. Trump key chains, Trump steak knives, the list is endless. The Sharper Image could label just about anything as Trump, create an entire line of Trump approved widgets. The money-making potential is enormous.

On the other hand, there's Tallgrass Beef, the brainchild of news reporter and producer Bill Kurtis. Expensive, yes, but not because it's the brand of an overblown ego. His cattle, from his ranch, are fed on grass, that naturally occurring, self-replenishing, environmentally sensible product. Why buy it? Not to pretend to be some egomaniacal millionaire, to spend money recklessly on an overpriced item just to show off. If you've the currency for fine meat, you can support a venture that looks to promote sound environmental practices in the meat industry. Depends on the image you want to present to the world.