Soft Core Politics

The general election is creeping up, and Ms. Deirdre Clune is busy these days, seeking re-election to her seat in Cork. The last thing that the Fine Gael councillor needs is to be linked with pornography. Hardly the sort of thing to appeal to the average voter.

Even Senator Feargal Quinn is not keen to be tied in to soft core pornography sent out over the airwaves, even if he would make a little profit off his investment in the television station that would be airing the naughty scenes. As for the Barry's Tea people, well, there's nothing more to say. Have a nice cuppa and the steamy sex will keep it hot, hot, hot? Not exactly the ad campaign they were considering.

Channel 6 was launched a year ago, with a business strategy to capture the much desired 15 to 34 year old market. Investors ponied up 14 million euro, thinking of course that they would gain a tidy return on investment. Unfortunately, the mix of American programs and music shows has not captivated the target group, and we all know that low ratings make for low advertising revenues which makes for a loss on the bottom line. At the last board meeting, this dilemma was discussed, and someone put forward a brilliant plan to boost those much desired ratings.

How best to gain the undivided attention of males aged 15 to 34? Pornography ought to do it. After midnight, so the little ones are tucked up in bed, fast asleep. A French distributor of skin flicks was found and a deal made for a ten week session of late night T and A, with further plans to extend the run should it prove successful. Give the audience what it wants and they will watch, and the advertisers will beat down the doors to get thirty seconds of air time. Very basic business strategy, and one that most likely would have worked.

Worked, that is, until Mammy up in bed heard the moans and groans and heavy breathing, and then noticed that himself and the boys were not in bed asleep, but staring at the glowing screen with their eyes goggling. Think she'd buy another tin of Barry's Tea after that?

That leaves Channel 6 Chairman Pat Donnelly up against the edge. He's in charge of delivering the goods for the investors, but it's difficult to find something that will capture a big audience in this day and age. Too many other channels, satellite television and the Internet are all competing for the same audience, and a new channel on the block has a very tough go of it. Porn would work, but it's not at all the family-friendly sort of offering that politicians want attached to their investment portfolio.