Thursday, April 19, 2007

The Despondent Whale

For two days it swam aimlessly, as if waiting for news or instructions. The minke whale hovered near Brooklyn, confused and disoriented in Gowanus Bay, a teenager seeking the answer.

Experts noted that the animal was not sick, despite the fact that it chose to hang out near Brooklyn, rather than seeking the trendier reaches of lower Manhattan. Day after day it swam around, causing concern to all who observed this young beast in the wrong place.

Suddenly, the whale began to splash heavily. It swam with purpose and hit the dock, to die quietly in Gowanus Bay near Brooklyn. A necropsy is to be performed, but the reasons for the whale's death go deeper than the physical.

Yes, it's true. The young minke whale was despondent over the results of that night's poll on American Idol. The stunningly coiffed Sanjaya was voted off the show, and little Minke had nothing left to live for, no goal to swim towards. In a case of a temper tantrum gone wrong, the whale hit its head, never intending to cause harm but wishing to express a sense of frustration that the worst singer ever to appear on the program was finally getting the sack. The talentless whale's role model was gone, beaten by those with talent.

The whale's demise was witnessed by a crowd of onlookers who never knew that they could have saved the life of this tragic aquatic mammal, if only they had been home to vote for Sanjaya.

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