The Knight of the Vacuum

Her nibs on the throne in London is getting ready to whack a crowd of people on their shoulders. Bono's knighthood has already been mentioned widely in the press, but that had more to do with the fact that the Irish government had to give their stamp of approval. It's only been ninety years, and the north is still an open wound, and there is to this day a lot of animosity towards the British and their so-called honors. The Ministers no doubt decided that there was no harm in giving Bono a medal of some sort, but he won't be called Sir Paul, no, don't even go there.

But Bono's not to be alone when the mighty sword of knighthood is rested at neck height. Rod Stewart will be there, next in line, being honored for producing seven children with nearly as many women. I suppose his musical career has something to do with the honors as well, but the man's a prodigious talent when it comes to preservation of the species.

Johnny Briggs, a star on the extremely popular soap opera Coronation Street is to be knighted. As far as I can tell, the queen is pleased that he has retired from the show after thirty years and wants to give him a lovely going-away gift. Sometimes you just can't tell why a person's been picked for the prize, can you?

There's a bunch of athletes due for an honorarium, but fans of the television program House will be delighted to learn that their own Hugh Laurie is about to become Sir Hugh. Although Her Majesty may be a fan, she is probably more familiar with Mr. Laurie's earlier work in the Blackadder series and the more recent Jeeves and Wooster. A brilliant comedic actor, his dramatic talents are all the more remarkable when you compare his British and American programs.

But the most worthy of all recipients has to be the man who brought the vacuum cleaner to new heights, the king of the Hoover. Is there one more worthy of knighthood than James Dyson, inventor of a machine that doesn't lose suction? He's made a fortune, surely, considering the $500 average price of a bit of metal and plastic that sucks up household dirt. Athletes and singers and actors are fine, they serve a function and entertain us, but James Dyson did something that benefits clean freaks all across the globe. He most definitely earned his award.

Arise, Sir Knight, and could you hoover the hall before you go?