Eat Your Vegetables Ordinance

So smug, New York, to think that you're the first to ban trans fats in foods. The city of Chicago thought of it first.

It was right after the City Council banned foie gras, and then a slew of restaurants served goose liver on the day the ordinance went into effect. Places that had never put a slice of fatty liver on a plate were cranking out one dish after another. There was a pizza with foie gras topping, that's how far it went.

Chicago is different than New York, of course. Here, it's all about business, about who you know and what have you done for me lately. Think Rahm Emanuel got where he is today by his own efforts? Just don't ask him about Don Tomczak and the army of city workers who got out the vote when Mr. Emanuel was running for office. Mr. Tomczak's been indicted recently, and it's a sore topic for the Democratic power broker.

No foie gras, it was decreed, and the next thing you know, the aldermen get a brainstorm. Why not ban trans fats in restaurants? They're bad for the heart. The Council should be legislating to help the citizens of Chicago, who pay all that property tax that goes into the salaries of the city workers who campaign for Democratic politicians on company time.

A Chicago alderman has a thick skin, and precious little will embarrass one of them. The howls of laughter, the mockery, now that got to them. What next, people asked, will they legislate our bed time? Make it a law to eat all our vegetables? Arrest us if we don't wear our raincoats and galoshes on wet days?

More importantly, the restaurants pitched sizeable hissy fits. Trans fats have benefits, making fried foods extra crispy and extending the shelf life of baked goods. And when the alderman comes around looking for a donation, don't expect the restaurateur to contribute generously, or donate a crumb to the worthy alderman's table after passing that kind of legislation. As for the night spots in the Viagra Triangle, well, don't mess with them and don't make their business lives difficult if you want the political support of some wealthy individuals.

Chicago's trans fat ordinance died before it was fully conceived. But it's fine for New York, to legislate how restaurants can cook and what people can eat. Go right ahead and tell the citizens of the Big Apple what to put in their mouths, for their own good. And make sure they wash those hands, and eat up that big apple. So tough, the image of New York City....can I pass you another carrot stick?