Your Honor, I Object

How could I have missed this one? Submissions closed on the 27th of November, so it's too late to upload your crime fiction masterpiece. The slush has already been culled, and the five lucky finalists have been selected, courtesy of the legal minds at Court TV.

Can't enter the contest, but you can vote for your favorite. Yes, you, you can help a budding author get published. I'm taking a pass myself. I hate crime fiction, never read it, and I'd be a poor judge of the quality. I'll leave that to the experts.

Who picked the five finalists, anyway? I suppose if you're a fan of crime novels, you'd recognize the names of the judges. Jonathan Kellerman, Faye Kellerman and Lisa Scottoline are all involved in this contest, but I'm more familiar with James Joyce myself. As for the fourth judge, ah now, we all know Judith Regan, don't we?

The prize in this quest for the next great crime writer is a publishing contract with ReganBooks. Problem is, Judith Regan ain't there no more. I'd have to presume that HarperCollins is still involved in the whole thing, as it hasn't been pulled and is still being promoted. Rather awkward situation, it appears, with an ex-employee calling the shots on a publication when she's been kicked out of the house.

According to the rules, this is what the lucky winner will get:

"GRAND PRIZE: One (1) Grand Prize Winner will receive a check in the amount of One Thousand Dollars ($1,000) and an opportunity to sign an exclusive book publishing deal (“Publishing Deal”) with Regan Books, a division of HarperCollins Publishers (“Regan Books”), at an approximate market value (“AMV”) of One Thousand Dollars ($1,000). The details of the Publishing Deal are subject to the sole discretion of Regan Books. Regan Books will decide whether or not to publish the Grand Prize Winner’s book (the “Prize Book”) in its sole discretion. Winning the Contest does not in any way guarantee that the Prize Book will be published."

Yes, that's right. An advance of $1,000.00. No royalties, just the one check. And ReganBooks gets to write up the contract. Naturally, they'll be more than generous with the author, and who needs a literary agent mucking things up and protecting the writer's interests?

With no guarantee that the novel will actually get published, even if it is a grand prize winner, I have to ask this. If the book doesn't get published, does the author get it back to shop to other houses?

"...participants agree that the rights granted hereunder shall include, but not be limited to, the perpetual, worldwide right of Sponsor and its designees to use, edit, telecast, cablecast, rerun, record, publish, reproduce, license, print, distribute and/or otherwise exploit, in any language and in all media now known or hereafter devised, the Submissions in whole or in part, without any further compensation to participant or any third party."

Now that's a crime.

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