Vanity Press Variation

Wondering if you should try to publish the family history? Surely there's some ancestor back there in the distant past who did something noteworthy - like leaving the miserable squalor of Old Europe and emigrating to America.

No time to compile the records, is that what's holding you back? Well, my friend, I have the solution. Thanks to the folks at Ancestry.com, you can easily obtain the entire written history of your very own family - chop down and pulp a tree to construct the family tree, as it were.

Did you know that the history of your family name could fill a book?
And we can publish it today?

Not to quibble, but in all honesty they mean to print the book. But isn't it grand, that notion of publishing? Has a ring to it, all Library of Congress on the shelves, immortalizing the clan for all times. And to fill a whole book as well. No mention of page count, though. Are they talking novella length? Short story? Flash fiction?

Back to the spam:

Sifting through Ancestry.com billions of records and other trusted sources, we carefully gathered all the facts, figures, names, and places we could find, tracing the origin of your family name as far back as we could go.

I see, it's the family name that's to be immortalized. Confidentially, Ancestry.com, I don't think it'll be all that difficult to trace back the origin of the family name. Irish not being a fully dead language, you see. Can you do more for me?

Here are just a few of the many facts you may discover:

What does your family name actually mean? It could stem from an occupation, the father's name, town name, or even a nickname.
Where did your family name originate? In many cases, a family name can be traced all the way back to the original country.
When did people with your last name come to the United States? You can learn when they most likely immigrated and even the ships they sailed to get here.
What occupations did your family pursue? Maybe it's built into the genetic code. Some families have plenty of doctors. In others, it's all about farming. If you think it's all random and personal choice, wait until you check out that section in your book

There are a few free websites out in cyberspace that can tell me what the name means. As to country of origin, I'm clear on that. Although there are stories in the family about ancestors who were rescued from the wreck of the Spanish Armada - but I don't know if you'll be going back all that far. Besides, it's all wrapped up in a general hatred of all things British, including that Protestant Elizabeth I and the beheading of Mary, Queen of Scots and Roman Catholic. Too touchy an issue to cover in a simple genealogy text.

When did people come here? Taking a wild guess, I'd say 1847-1987 and I'd not be far off. But when you're listing the names of the ships, don't forget to include the modern air ships. Immigration from the Emerald Isle was a long, drawn-out affair.

The occupations - again I'm taking a wild stab at it, but I'd look to farming without doubt, and there's bound to be a cleric or two in the mix. And there's no personal choice in that, believe me. When the mammy picks the offspring she's giving to God, that's as good as written in stone.

It is not available elsewhere - and it's just $49.95!

For that kind of money, I'd be mad to presume that the book would have anything near as detailed as a professional genealogist's output. Even so, fifty bucks is a high price to pay for things that I would probably enjoy discovering. Sure, isn't vanity printing an expensive proposition?