Report From Paris

--So they noticed. It was only the matter of a single zero.

Jacques toyed with his pencil, making and then erasing a series of zeros. How could anyone not notice? The difference between two hundred and two thousand was enormous, especially with old Eagle Eyes in the cowboy hat keeping tabs on the numbers.

--Damned Italians. So pushy. We can't let them take over on this. Who do they think they are, to provide leadership on the ground? They'll be claiming that they invented bechamel sauce next.

Of course Italy was going to run the show. They learned that bit of business from their Western allies. Granted, the majority of the troops were going to come from Italy, but France was entitled, surely. There was a compromise of sorts, finally, with the dagos getting a temporary sop. And by February, when France took over, it was greatly to be hoped that the worst of the confusion was sorted. Wouldn't that just make things worse, to have France accused of mucking up the entire operation? Let the Italians take the fall, and all the glory to France come February.

--This bit about disarming, is that settled?

With the unrest in the banlieus, it had better be well settled. The UN could not very well go in and disarm them, now, could they? Oh, sure, the resolutions called for it, but, it's not the job of France. It's up to the Lebanese. Yes, that's the excuse. That's it right there, nice and neat. Blame it on the Lebanese. And hope that no one notices how helpless and weak they are. At least that's easier to hide than that missing zero.

--Things could still go badly. With all the press and satellite news coverage.

No one was going to barge in and forcibly remove the weapons, but what was a soldier to do if he saw a group setting up a rocket launcher? By rights, the UN troops were supposed to act with force if necessary, but it was much better to simply ignore certain things and not risk getting shot. Fox News would be driving from one end of southern Lebanon to the next, just looking for that exact scenario. And then they would play it on the air, over and over and over, until the other news media had to cover it. On the other hand, it would be a disaster at home if some French troops had to shoot and kill a few of the towelheads. No, there was absolutely no good solution, no politically viable means to avoid what they had been avoiding for so long.

--I still think we should have said it was a typographical error.

With the world laughing at them as it was, why add more? Who would dare to appear before the eyes of every foreign nation and declare: We meant to say we were sending two thousand troops to Lebanon in a peace-keeping mission. The typist left off the last zero. They had overridden Jacques' suggestion and cobbled together a much more diplomatic excuse. Blame it on the UN, of course. The mission was not clear. Unfortunately, it was quite clear now and there was no backing out. Damn the Americans. Starting up that stupid war in Iraq. If not for that, they'd be handling this mess in Lebanon, and we could all go home and relax.