Build A Better Memoir

There are those who believe that their life story is the stuff of which best sellers are made. They can't understand why a literary agent doesn't find this to be true as well.

Anyone wishing to pen a memoir that will sell needs to build up the right sort of life experiences. Sure there's more than enough tales of abuse, drug use and what have you. Go look at what's selling and make the necessary adjustments.

You'd like a six-figure deal, of course. You're well worth it.

Forget your recovery from alcoholism. Write about your experiences in the political cesspool.

Disgraced former governor Rod Blagojevich got himself a book deal that way.

Skip over the parts in your life story about the abusive partner. Instead, go marry the daughter of a high-powered Chicago alderman and follow your father-in-law's lead. Learn how to make the deals that make you money and bring you power. You're gaining fodder for your best-seller.

Run for governor and play the race card. Ask a black friend, someone like Roland Burris, to enter the race to attract all the voters of color who are supporting your opponent, thereby creating a majority for yourself. Then give your black friend, someone like Roland Burris, a plum political post by way of thanks.

As for the rest, you've probably read all about it in the news, and it's easy enough to copy what's already been done when you've got the blueprint.

Then query a literary agent, imply that you're going to tell all, and there you are. The six-figure advance is in your bank account.

A successful memoir tells a story, the right kind of story that people will pay good money to read about. It's all about the business, and not the art.