Sweet Jaysus, now we've got to worry about drunken priests dashing about, a big feed of Communion wine on them. You'll have to head straight home from Mass on a Sunday and bolt the door, or risk getting killed on the roads.
With the current shortage of priests, those that remain find themselves celebrating several Masses on a Sunday, and Fr. Brian D'Arcy of Enniskillen is afraid that God's messengers are going to get arrested for drink driving through no fault of their own. Sure and it's a crisis brewing.
There's Mass at Church A, then it's into the car and off to Church B. Speed off to Church C and then fly over to the hospital to visit the sick and what would happen if the gardai had a road block set up and gave a cleric a breathalyser test? Wouldn't the alarm bells go off?
Father D'Arcy is afraid that his Vatican-mandated tipple could put him over the legal limit. According to regulations, the priest has to finish all the wine that is consecrated at the Mass, so if a large portion of the congregation balks at sipping from the communal cup, a priest could be consuming a mouthful of wine. Multiply that by three Masses and Father D'Arcy figures he'd have had three mouthfuls of wine in the span of three hours. And that could put him over the limit. But he has to drive to tend to his Catholic flocks. Holy Mary, Mother of God, what are we to do?
Harking back to the altar boy days, I can recall some priests who never cared for the Communion wine and liked a long splash of water to dilute it. If Father D'Arcy were stationed in Galway I could understand why he'd hesitate to add much water, given the cryptosporidium infestation. Still, if he's so worried about drink driving, couldn't he dilute the wine with a pour of Evian?
Sorry, I can't seem to finish the post. It's too hard to type when you're rolling on the floor laughing. Over the limit after three mouthfuls of wine? Must have bumped his head when he fell off the turnip wagon.
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