Thursday, June 21, 2007

Transcript of a Job Interview

"And what are your qualifications, Tony?"

"My good friend George phoned me. Knew I was looking for new employment. And he mentioned this position in particular, with my unique qualifications. My resume is extensive and all past experience points towards this exact job opening."

"There's some suggestions that you might be interested in another job. We've gotten wind of some rumors."

"Front-line politics? No, not for me. Frankly, the presidency of the European Union would be akin to becoming the ringmaster in a circus. On the surface, one would expect to have a great deal of power, but the fact of the matter is, they can't agree what to have for lunch, let alone reach any sort of governing accord. President of nothing with that position. No, honestly, I would much prefer this position that my dear friend George asked me to apply for."

"You have a recommendation here from former President Carter."

"And who wouldn't humor an old man? He insisted, and, that is, he means well, doesn't he? Full of good intentions. And he does make a strong point, with my experience in the peace process. For example, there was an election ninety years ago that we felt was not in the best interest of the island. Before long, the populace rose up and we had several years of civil war. Brother against brother, destruction, the lot. So we split the island into two countries. Partition worked, and it will work in the Palestinian territories."

"But partition led to The Troubles. More slaughter, bombings, disappearances. Is that what you would bring to the Middle East as Quartet envoy?"

"The Republic of Ireland, the break-away nation, is thriving today. They cast off their fundamentalist Catholic cloak and stepped out into the world. Look at how successful they are today. So you see, partition does work, and work effectively. If I am given the position I seek, I plan to encourage the separation that exists today. Gaza will be cast loose, while the West Bank will be shored up with donations and cash stipends, expand the public sector, turn it into a nation of bureaucrats. Just like Northern Ireland has been supported by hand-outs from London."

"And you see Gaza blossoming like the Irish Republic. An Arab Tiger, if you will?"

"If they get out from under the thumb of religion. And if they don't turn inward, as Ireland did, and become a backward, repressed society."

"You do indeed have a great deal of experience in this field. Highly qualified. Now, about the salary."

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