The Feminization Of Men

It isn't the beer, gentlemen

It's true, what they say about America becoming feminized. Scientists have discovered the cause.

First, you have to keep in mind that the baby boom generation is well into middle age, and they represent a big portion of the population. They've influenced society since the day they were born, if only because there are so many of them, and it stands to reason that they will continue to exert a strong effect on society until they've all died off.

Yes, we are a wussified country. There is a legitimate reason, one with endocrinological origins that, to date, has no cure.

I am talking about estrogen.

It's the hormone that women have in abundance, until they reach menopause with its hot flashes and night sweats, weight gain and stray hairs sprouting on the chin. So far, scientists have focused their attention on estrogen as it relates to female health. Who would have guessed that a hormone associated with women would be a factor in male aging as well?

The study is new and there is much to be learned, but scientists have found that men produce estrogen and it has a profound influence on their aging bodies. Like a pubescent girl, they add fat but it doesn't create a shapely figure like it does in women. No, it lands in the gut where a guy will blame his beer drinking or lack of exercise when it's his body turning him into a semi-female.

So you have all these aging baby boomer men, and even though their levels of estrogen are declining, they are cranking out estrogen at higher levels than their female counterparts. It can only mean that the guys are getting feminized, the guys who are more likely to be involved in politics or vote. And it isn't just that their muscles get smaller and weaker, like a woman's muscles. Estrogen works on the brain as well, to screw up libido and chickify male thought.

When men think more like women, they're more inclined to talk out conflict rather than engage in a fight to settle differences. They're far more likely to see football as too violent, and call for more safety measures that make the game....less dangerous.

All this time, scientists were looking at declining testosterone levels in aging males, thinking that they had identified the source of the problem. Thousands of men are taking supplements to boost their testosterone, but it turns out that their estrogen levels are largely at fault, in ways not fully understood.

You know what that means, of course. Those ads for Low-T are going to start putting fears of Low-E into a guy's head, and men will become so terrified of turning into women that they'll flock to their doctors for prescriptions.

Then they'll watch football and cheer for the most violent hits and mock those who want changes to helmets to reduce concussions. In which case, you'd want to buy stock in whatever pharmaceutical company that is selling the cure for a disease that isn't actually disease, but a process of natural aging.

Because we can't sit idly by and watch our nation turn into a country of wimps and girly-men.