Chicago Asks That You Please Smoke

Not cigarettes, God no. They're bad for you.

Coming to Lollapalooza? By all means, be sure to bring weed.

Just keep your stash to 15 grams at a time, and the city will thank you.

Chicago has a new ordinance regulating the possession of small amounts of marijuana, what is considered enough for personal use. That new law is going to be put into effect as the masses descend on Grant Park for the three day music festival.

Police will issue tickets to those found with the equivalent of 25 joints on them, and for every ticket, the city coffers will be $250 richer. Can't you just hear the cash registers cha-chinging at City Hall?

In years past, the police haven't bothered anyone who was smoking at the festival. It's a hassle to make an arrest in a crowd. But writing a ticket? What could be simpler?

The city needs the money. Desperately. The budget has a huge hole in it to begin with, and Mayor Rahm Emanuel doesn't know what else to cut to get things into balance.

You don't have to cut if you can bring in more revenue, and 100,000 citations for possession? It's money in the bank.

The alderman who promoted the new ordinance is a bit perturbed because the young dealers in his neighborhood have been getting arrested, not ticketed, while the white kids at the various festivals get a pass. Walter Burnett realizes how critical those $250 drops are to the leaking bucket that is Chicago finances, and he knows it's expensive to arrest and incarcerate a person. He wants the cops to cooperate, write some tickets, and turn a profit.

So "doo-bee" an honored guest of the city of Chicago and have a toke. Just be sure to light up outside of the festival grounds, where the police are authorized to ticket smokers.

But please, leave the tobacco cigarettes at home. They're bad for your health.