Saturday, October 25, 2008

Honest Abe

Let's remember that it was Abraham Lincoln who was described as honest. Not the executive director of his library.

Any armchair psychiatrist could tell you that Richard E. Beard, executive director of the Abraham Presidential Library and Museum in Springfield, Illinois, needs help. The man's not even close to poverty, yet he was caught shoplifting a $40 box of DVDs from the local Target store.

This isn't the first time he's been rumbled. Only last year he was caught swiping neckties at the local Macy's. He was fined and let go with a slap on the wrist, but that sort of discipline didn't do a thing for his mental state.

He's on administrative leave for now, with pay, while his underlings keep things running for the tourists who come to see all that was Honest Abe.

Sure everyone's on the take in Illinois. Unfortunately for Mr. Beard, who came from points east, he didn't seem to fully comprehend what that phrase meant exactly. He could have received the complete set of "House, Season 4" from someone looking for the painting contract for the museum's walls. He could have had a closet full of ties by dropping the hint in the right place, exchanging men's haberdashery for a no-bid contract on some concrete work. He didn't have to actually 'take' the items in question.

A psychiatrist will help him deal with his kleptomania. It will take a Springfield power broker to educate him on the ways of Illinois politics.

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