Job Openings

Back when Pope Benedict was Cardinal Ratzinger, he dealt with the exploding sex abuse scandals by placing the blame where it belonged - at the media who reported on the problem. Given that the Church moves slowly, it is no surprise that they have finally, after the passage of years, come up with a solution. No fags need apply. That ought to take care of it.

Statistics show that most victims of abuse since 1950 were adolescent boys, hence the perceived need to eliminate gay men from the clergy. Unfortunately, there is a serious shortage of priests, and the new ruling is sure to make matters worse. Anyone who attends Mass regularly has run across a swishy cleric or two, leading parishioners to guess that about half the priests are gay. If only half of the seminarians are consecrated, the clerical population will plummet even faster.

Although I do not know if it is true, I have heard that the Vatican more than frowns on girls serving at the altar. Out here in the real world, the acolyte population is majority female, and it is quite typical to find only girls serving a Mass. One would think that this was a positive outcome, given that the abusing priests showed a preference for altar boys, but Church leaders are determined to keep the club men only. Seminarians must be men, manly men...or at least not too girly.

The problem with gay culture, the Vatican believes, is that gay priests cannot relate well to heterosexual men and women. Women are better at relating to others, but that unpleasant fact cannot be allowed to influence the decisions of the hierarchy who covered up sex abuse for decades. In the trenches, at the level of the parish, Catholics carry on, largely ignoring the dictates from on high as they practice their faith. As long as the priest can say Mass, anoint the sick, baptize and marry, they don't much care if he's gay or straight. If he's gay, though, he'd better be celibate.