What Would Mr. Selfridge Say?

The jewelry department at Selfridges

You can just picture Jeremy Piven, in his Edwardian costume, standing in the middle of the store aisle with glass crunching under his polished shoe. This, however, is not the stage set for the PBS series Mr. Selfridge. It is the real Selfridges department store in London, where thieves executed a smash and grab shortly before the shop was due to close.

In a scene reminiscent of more modern movies, the criminals took sledgehammers to the glass cases that held valuable jewelry and watches. You've seen it many times before, with speed being of the essence and if the caper is really well planned, one of the raiders will be carefully monitoring the time so that they can all speed off before the police can arrive.

It's not a crime for the greedy who don't know when to stop.

What would Mr. Selfridge have said about the robbery? Would he have instituted some advertising campaign to bring in the paying public who would show up to gawk and go home with their wallets a little lighter?

What would he have said to the members of that paying public who saw two men fall off a moped as they were speeding away from the store they had just robbed? It isn't every day that you encounter a pair with a satchel stuffed full of high-end watches, in a desperate hurry to get away from the famous store. The would-be thieves might have seen how the smash and grab works in fiction, but in real life, ordinary people will hold suspicious characters for the police.

How many were involved is not yet known, but at least two of the gang are in custody.

What would Mr. Selfridge have said? Would he have taken to Twitter and announced that "everyone is safe and the police are investigating"? Would he have opened his tweet with "Hi"?

Not a chance. Jeremy Piven would never have played it so weak and so lacking in good marketing copy.