Farewell To The King

Some said the Burger King was creepy, and the character was...but in an edgy, hysterically funny way.

I shall miss the King.

The suits who run Burger King have decided that the King must go. In future, advertisements will feature food porn.

You know what I'm talking about. Strips of bacon falling in slow motion, voluptuous, moist, onto a bed of ground beef. Coy drips of mustard and ketchup ooze from the sides of an open, exposed bun.

The new look is all about fast food that's good for you.

Clearly, there's no place for a thoroughly bizarre mascot who adds an element of fun to calorie-laden sandwiches. No, there's no fun involved when you're supposed to be admiring the lower calorie count and smaller portion (for the same price).

But there is a glimmer of hope for those of us who proudly display a Burger King bobblehead amongst the family heirlooms and fine china.

A spokesman for Burger King says that the King might reappear in the future. Yes, when the "food-centric" approach fails as it surely will.

Healthy options in fast foods is so much happy talk for public consumption. No one eats the healthy stuff because it doesn't take as good as the high fat, high sodium, enough calories for two days type of offering.

Blame biology.

We're hard-wired to desire fat and sugar because there was a time when we didn't know when we might slaughter another mastodon or find some berries during our migration to the hunting grounds.

Knowing that modern homo sapiens should adapt to a sedentary lifestyle and eat less doesn't make our brains stop signaling for a bigger burger with extra bacon, mayo and cheese.

The King will be back. I'll be waiting.