Why Can't We Be Friends

Parenting is a miserable occupation. You want your kids to at least like you, but half the time they act as if they hate you. Wait until they're older, your wiser friends may advise, and then they'll appreciate you. In the meantime, you have to live with the snarling and it wears on a person.

There are those who get around the problem by becoming a buddy. Everyone likes their buddies, don't they? Hanging out, being friends. None of that parental lording over the offspring, all that "because I said so" rationalizing, all the order giving.

In line with that flawless logic comes the next step. We're pals, my children and I, and I know that they drink because they confide in me. And they've come home staggering, so there's been no hiding the partying. I think, therefore I am...going to allow them to drink here at home. Doing what they'd be doing anyway, but I can control it within my own four walls. And be sure to confiscate everyone's keys, there, lad of mine, for there'll be no drinking and driving.

It happens in my part of town, which is why parents often call one another to check the bona fides of the party's homeowner. "Will there be drinking allowed?" is the usual question, not phrased quite like that but the implication is clear. Parents who believe in allowing drinking under their personal control are often known, through the gossip chain, and there are those who will not allow their children to attend...or even to leave the house, in the event that Junior would be tempted to sneak off.

Lawmakers in Illinois are considering some new legislation, to go after parents who host drinks parties for the underaged. It's a tough call, to be sure. While those who are permissive, one of the lads, are due some hard fines and legal trouble, what's to be done about the trusting adult who goes off for an evening and gets a call at 2 am about a wild party? While we would all like to see the parent trying to be a friend catch hell for their behavior, any one of us could get sucked into a disaster that is unforeseen and unexpected.

Crafting a law will not be easy. The issue is awash in shades of gray, but statutes are remarkably black and white.