Friday, January 30, 2015

Female Authors: Advice Before You Die

Women writers, drop your pens and do something about your appearance before it is too late.

Don't end up like the talented author (and neuroscientist) Colleen McCullough, who has been memorialized first and foremost as "Plain of feature, and certainly overweight..."

Sure she penned The Thornbirds and Tim, a couple of outstanding novels that did more to generate interest in Australia than the country's tourism board ever accomplished. What "The Australian" newspaper put right at the top of her published obituary was a comment on her appearance. Don't let this happen to you.

If you have been as successful as Ms. McCullough, you can afford the extensive plastic surgery needed to shape your face into something that is not plain. As for your body that has been sculpted by years spent sitting in a chair (unless you write standing up but who does that?), there are plenty of diet programmes available. Why not ask your plastic surgeon to shave off the belly and the love handles clinging to your hips while he's re-making your nose? It would save time, especially if you're getting up in years and your time is short.

It isn't about your ability if you are an author of the female persuasion. At least not in Australia, where one of their iconic citizens was noted for not being a beauty. All of Ms. McCullough's accomplishments took a back seat to her looks. If she had only known, she could have done something about it.

So don't let your obituary open with a remark on your lack of physical attrributes. Take action at once.

That way, you'll just be another writer of talent who did not stand out because she looked like everyone else is supposed to look if they are female and write anything even faintly hinting at romance. Talent alone just won't win you a glowing obituary these days.

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