Illinois Makes Literacy Illegal

Statewide ban on books

In an effort to cut down on distracted drivers, Illinois Governor Pat Quinn has also signed into law a statewide ban on books.

As reported on the front page of today's Chicago Tribune, the governor is trumpeting his animosity to those who talk on the phone while driving, but there is obscure language in the law that has also had resulted in a ban on books.

References to this incredible attack on literacy are hard to find in news reports, with the attack on books hidden behind such obscure phrases as "hand-held devices" which is clearly intended to prohibit not only hard copies, but electronic books as well. Unless, of course, the reader puts the book or e-reader on a flat surface and does not hold it. With one stroke of the pen, it is now illegal in Illinois to lay back on the grass or in a hammock and hold a book overhead.

In an amazing development, Illinois' Secretary of State, and keeper of the State's library, has not spoken out about this unprecedented attack on the written word. Jesse White is, thus far, silent on the matter. Neither has a voice of complaint arisen from any of Illinois' many public libraries, which have suddenly become holders of quasi-illegal devices lining their stacks.

Lovers of literature can be expected to openly defy the law, in the quiet way of the bookworm. All over the state, expect to spot normally law-abiding citizens sprawled on the grass of public parks, or resting on blankets at picnics or beaches, with books in their hands.

Like most unpopular political actions, the statewide ban on books was put into law on a summer Friday afternoon, in an effort to garner the least amount of attention.

Readers are now advised to put down their books, or risk an expensive fine.