Monday, February 18, 2013

A Kiss Is Just A Kiss

Valentine's Day is supposed to a day for love, but human beings are not perfect and it's also a day for some major arguments.

Elaine Cook and her beau had a little squabble. Maybe he didn't bring her roses like she'd expected. Maybe he thought it would be romantic if she cooked him dinner, which is grounds for a well-placed frying pan to the head.

Like so many other couples on so many other Valentine's Days, they got into a fight and the end result was Ms. Cook telling her boyfriend to get out. Go, leave. They were finished as a couple.

She was dating a man who didn't take no for an answer, apparently, because instead of leaving as requested, Mr. Isn't-It-Romantic decided they could just kiss and make up.

Didn't pick up on the clues that Ms. Cook had placed in her conversation, or the man with a plan just plain didn't understand the language of not love.

A kiss isn't always just a kiss.

On St. Valentine's Day of 2013, a kiss became a domestic assault.

Gentlemen, if you've just had an argument with the girl of your dreams and you're trying to smooth over those rough spots, a kiss might help.

But don't try to slip her the tongue.

Ms. Cook has been charged with domestic battery, rather than assault with a deadly weapon, i.e, her teeth. Her former lover now speaks with a slight impediment.

The make-up kiss became an occasion for Ms. Cook to bite off a piece of his tongue, which she promptly deposited on the kitchen counter while he bled profusely into the sink. He wisely placed the fragment in a bag of ice and paramedics brought it, and him, to the hospital.

Unfortunately, doctors were unable to reattach the piece, and the man will forever have a partial tongue, a lasting memory of a St. Valentine's Day gone wrong.

Ms. Cook is currently incarcerated while her paramour is home, recovering from surgery.

She'll be out soon enough, and her attorney will argue in court that she told the man to leave so it's largely his fault that his tongue is permantly deformed.

And the women on the jury will agree.

French kissing to make up after a fight, really? It's his own damn fault, and if anyone should be locked up, it's the one currently portrayed as the injured party. Especially if he suggested that she make him dinner for St. Valentine's Day.

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