I have lost my reason for living.
The worst possible news has come from the National Pig Association, and I see myself starving to death by this time next year.
There will not be enough pigs to go around. Shortages of pork products! No rashers! No streaky bacon!
Because of drought conditions, the price of grain to feed those plump hogs has driven countless farmers to cull their herds. After all, it makes no sense to feed a pig that won't bring in enough cash to pay for its upkeep.
All those potential hams have already hit the market, and there won't be many coming up the ranks to take their place.
Just try to find yourself a lovely Limerick ham for Easter dinner next spring. You won't be able to afford it, if the butcher is even carrying such an expensive product. He'd have to hire in added security to prevent thefts.
The black market will thrive, and who knows what some clever food chemist will concoct to trick our palates? Tofu-ham? Soy rashers? I'd rather starve.
Take action. Be proactive.
Buy all the pork products you can, right now.
Enjoy, because tomorrow we may die....without the main ingredient in a good fry. What's left, so? Spuds and buttermilk?