Fifty Shades Of Censorship

Sorry, Buncrana.

No Fifty Shades of anything for you while the rest of the world is watching soft-core porn this Valentine's Day.

Not playing in Buncrana's church hall

The anticipated release of Fifty Shades of Grey is receiving all sorts of free publicity. The novel was rather explicit, but how explicit will the film be? Twenty minutes of sex and pseudo-bondage in a one hundred minute movie? That's a great deal of the naughty business, and it is far too much for the owners of the cinema in Buncrana, up there in the hills of Donegal.

Buncrana is a small town in the back of beyond, and the only cinema is located in St. Mary's Hall. On St. Mary's Road. And if you haven't already, guessed, it's owned by the church.

Local resident Mary Doherty is relieved to know that her objection to the film's viewing has born fruit. She has a point, in that the plot revolves around sexual violence against women. It's the female getting bound and gagged and spanked and what have you. Among those who practice bondage or sado-masachism, they laugh at the depiction of BDSM in the novel and expect more of the same in the upcoming film, but even the lighter touch supplied by Hollywood does not sway Ms. Doherty.

The Fifty Shades phenomenon is not grounded in reality, but is meant to be a sexual fantasy aimed at women. There is that promise of fulfillment, as opposed to what happens in the average bedroom. The foreplay and hints of romance in exotic locations is a large part of the appeal, filmed in carefully framed scenes that are charged with orgasmic potential.

The reality of bondage and sex toys is somewhat different. Just ask Graham Dwyer, now on trial in the death of Elaine O'Hara.

The women went missing and when the gardai examined her flat for clues, they found plenty of items that showed Ms. O'Hara was part of the BDSM scene. Perhaps some of the sex toys that viewers will discover on the screen were similar to those found in her flat and the pond near where her body was found. The prosecution hinges on contact made between Ms. O'Hara and Mr. Dwyer, who shared a mutual interest in the sort of sex that is depicted in soft focus in a film that won't be shown in Buncrana.

Sometimes the sadism goes too far. The bondage isn't harmless fun.

The people of Buncrana won't know unless they travel outside of town, but it's the middle of winter and it's cold and the nights are long and the film will be available on DVD so you can watch it at home in the bedroom after the wee little ones are fast asleep.

But as they watch the forbidden erotic adventure, will they think about Elaine O'Hara and how she died?

No, likely not. Death isn't part of the fantasy.