Of Course, Monkeys Don't Use Words

It takes some doing to craft a really brilliant verbal barb. Mastery of vocabulary always helps, but the speaker would be wise to have a bit of general knowledge or risk saying something bizarre.

For example, if you wish to insult someone by comparing them to any primate lower than Homo sapiens, you should not include words about words. Everyone knows monkeys don't use words.

After the DoS attack --- U.S. to fat-shame Kim Jong Un to bring the regime to its dimpled knees

The North Koreans are looking fairly ignorant with their latest attempt to retaliate against the United States. Via hacking, they managed to get Sony to pull the Christmas Day release of a film that the Dear Leader didn't care for, but then the President of the United States had to go and suggest that Sony release the film anyway. And they did, both in theatres and online, where the thing has taken off on bit torrent sites. More people are seeing "The Interview" than would otherwise have watched it.

What can be done after a hack? What display of ferocity can put fear into a presidential heart?

The North Korean National Defence Commission tried to compose a stinging retort, but made a fatal error. "Obama always goes reckless in words and deeds" like a "monkey in a tropical jungle" was the official response to the release of "The Interview". Calling a black man a monkey is so Nineteenth Century, but beyond the dust-coated lexicon was the mixing of metaphors. Monkeys don't go reckless anywhere with words, whether they live in a tropical jungle or the snows of some lofty peak. Monkeys don't talk, let alone write sentences or paragraphs.

There's nothing like nonsense phrases to wash the danger right out of the threat. You won't be taken seriously if your message is a garble of gibberish or incorrect usage. Of course, English literature isn't likely to be an area of study in the reclusive country, which tends to limit the ability of official spokespeople to speak coherently.

North Korea also accused the U.S. of shutting down its Internet, which requires little more than a simple Denial of Service attack on the two or three PCs in the country. America came under verbal attack for that as well, earning a comparison to children playing a juvenile game of tag. Judging by the blistering tone, it's a fair bet that Kim Jong Un was planning to watch "The Interview" online and his plans were seriously disrupted. So take that, America. Reckless words from a reckless psychopath who doesn't look at all like a monkey.

More like a moon-calf.