For Sale Or Lease With Views Of Bono

Would you like to live down the road from Bono and the lovely Ali Hewson? Don't have much money for such a posh address? Look no further than Killiney Beach's very own crack cocaine hell hole.

Handyman special

The place needs work, but when you're squatting, you don't expect a palace. There's a lot of debris left behind by former tenants, such as cans used as crack pipes, used condoms, and sleeping bags. Oh, yes, you might have to share the place with whoever drops in, unless you can do more than the Dun Laoghaire Rathdown County Council to secure the fencing.

Councillor Victor Boyhan has described this lovely site as a hell hole, which is not the sort of marketing you'd want if you're looking to shift a property. The council needs to rethink their campaign and redefine the former tea rooms in a more positive light.

Like any property to be had on the cheap (or free, more or less, if you can get past the irate neighbors), this one lists as a fixer-upper, but imagine walking out your back door and running into Van Morrison out for a stroll on a fine summer evening. Or opening your windows (you'd want to replace the glass there) and in floats Enya's lovely voice, rolling down the strand.

Long ago, when the Irish were poor, the now derelict building housed tea rooms where those spending a day at the beach could pop in for a little refreshment. Once the people stopped coming, the business went under and the building sat unused. With no one paying any attention, even though some very wealthy people moved into the neighborhood, those down on their luck found shelter.

For over a decade, the building has stood vacant, and with the push to bring in more tourists, the last thing the Council wants is a building covered in graffiti sitting in a prominent spot on what they're calling a beach resort area. A resort of inner city thugs more likely, a visitor would say as they fled the beach with their hand clamped on their valuables.

Situated within yards of the Vico Road and all the storied properties that stretch of pavement can boast, Councillor Boylan is praying that someone will come along and raze the dangerous eyesore before someone finds a dead body in it.

Or maybe Bono will stop looking for poverty in Africa and find it just up the road. A little fundraising concert, and surely the likes of Van the Man, Bono and Enya could generate the funds needed to turn the former tea rooms into a hostel for the homeless or a drug treatment center for the crack heads who already know how to get to the place they've been using for shelter for the past ten years.