If A Equals B, Then D

Not everyone was so fortunate as to study logic in school. This deprived group includes many members of the European Parliament, who can take two plus two and make five.

The EU has put out a report that claims Ireland's Shannon Airport has been used by the CIA for rendition flights. Well, yes, they will agree that there is no evidence that terror suspects were ever transported through Shannon. In fact, Foreign Affairs Minister Dermot Ahern has clarified the real destination of one of these so-called rendition flights. Yes, it went from Shannon to Knock. Perhaps the terror suspect being rendered wanted to stop off and say a prayer to Our Lady. Maybe he thought She'd pay him a visit as well, a heavenly apparition. At any rate, Mr. Ahern is up in arms over the report, since there is no evidence at all that Irish airports were used for the CIA's nefarious purposes.

So how can the EU Parliament make a claim when there's no evidence? Well, Proinnsais de Rossa, Irish MEP, believes there's no evidence because the Irish government acepted US assurance that no suspects were on board. Lying dogs, those Yanks. The incarcerated terrorists wouldn't lie about such things.

It's not just the US that's obstructed the whole investigation. Javier Solana, the EU foreign policy chief, was guilty of "omissions and denials" when he gave testimony, and the EU's counter-terrorism chief Gijs de Vries "lacked credibility" when he answered the Committee's questions. The Brits wouldn't cooperate either, and other EU member states came under fire for letting the CIA use their airspace and their land for secret prisons, of which there is of course no evidence. The EU Committee knew absolutely that they were right, so everyone else, except the terrorists, must certainly be guilty of deceit.

Unable to find proof of their hypothesis, the committee blames everyone else for giving false witness, violating the mighty dictates of the Old Testament, a key in their shared Judeo-Christian heritage. Will they ever figure out that the terrorists trying to kill them are not part of that particular demographic?