New York Don't Do Coupons

Macy's doesn't do coupons.

Simple as that. Too much trouble for the sales staff, too much of a headache for accounting. Plus there's all those slips of paper to deal with. It naturally follows, then, that when Macy's buys up other department stores, that's the end of the coupons for them as well.

Oops, my bad, says Terry J. Lundgren, CEO of the floundering corporation. Those rubes out in the hinterlands sure do love their coupons, and they just weren't ready for the panache and elan of New York City ways. That must be why they don't shop Macy's. There's no coupons for them to clip and think that they're getting a bargain.

Maybe it's the change of fashion apparel, the elimination of .....gag, the horror...lines like Dockers and Levis -- clothes right out of Hicksville, USA. All Macy's wanted to do was bring in some overpriced shite that the yokels would think was tres chic, low quality garments that were to be snapped up at retail prices. 'Macy's knows what you want and you don't' was the message, but what Macy's really wanted was to position the store so that they were no longer butting heads with Kohls and JC Penney because they were getting beaten so badly. Oops, my bad again, says Terry J. Lundgren. Dockers are back at Macy's; won't you come back?

Where did the shoppers go, the folks that put Marshall Field's on the map? They flew away to Kohl's and J.C. Penneys, where they can get the same quality as Macy's at a lower price. Without a coupon.

Coupons are coming back, Macy's has declared, but will the shoppers return to what used to be called Marshall Field and Company? When Mr. Lundren and his colleagues figure out that Chicagoans aren't flocking to Macy's because Macy's killed a beloved institution, they might return. And there's no coupon in existence that will fix what is really wrong.

Trade Union Negotiations

We, the members of the Irish Airline Pilots Association insist that Aer Lingus recruit their Belfast-based pilots in Dublin. These new pilots will be hired on under the collective agreement which Aer Lingus has established with its Republic-based pilots.

Aer Lingus says no.

We demand that any disputes that arise amongst the Belfast fly boys be resolved in Dublin, and are negotiated in keeping with Irish law. The hub in Belfast should be operated under Northern Ireland's laws, but as they are different than Republic law, we want the latter.

Aer Lingus says no.

In addition, we the pilots want the current seniority list to apply to positions in Belfast, so that the current senior pilots would still be top of the heap should they choose to go to Belfast. All pilots flying for Aer Lingus out of Belfast must be covered by the existing pension scheme, no changing around to a new plan for new recruits.

Aer Lingus says no. No to a batch of ideas that fly in the face of market rules, which dictate a leaner and meaner corporation. No to an "unwieldy, costly, protectionist" system of seniority. No to the pilot's union making business decisions for Aer Lingus when all their notions would hamstring the airline. No to ongoing inefficiency that threatens to kill the airline.

Aer Lingus is battling competition that sports lower costs, which are passed on to the clients in the form of cut-rate fares. Mr. Dermot Mannion is operating Aer Lingus like a business, making financial decisions that are aimed at keeping the planes aloft. The Irish government, with its 25% stake, has decided not to spook investors and has taken a hands-off approach to Aer Lingus's decision to pull out of Shannon for cheaper pastures in the north.

Aer Lingus used to be state-run airline that suffered at the hands of politicians. Now it is free to make its way in a brutal, unforgiving world, and Mr. Mannion has only to look at the state of United Airlines to see where his company might be headed if he doesn't put a stop to it.

The Irish Airline Pilots union is going to consider Mr. Mannion's response to their demands. While they're at it, they might try convincing their non-union colleagues at the discount airlines to demand more. That's one way to level the playing field.

It Can't Hurt To Look

Let there be no doubt that the EU is not, I repeat, not, planning to move forward with corporate tax rate harmonisation. Laszlo Kovacs has said it numerous times, hasn't he? Still and all, he's in talks that will lead to a report about the effects of such harmonisation on the EU economy. Think of your fat old auntie, ogling the dessert cart after dinner but insisting that she's not ordering. Can't hurt to look, she says, but before long there's a mound of sugary carbohydrates in front of her.

What would happen if the EU forced all of its members to tax corporate profits at the same rate? Examine the issue, research companies, from the perspective of harmonisation smoothing out the ripples caused by some countries having more than others but let's not name names or the Irish will be foaming at the mouth again.

The EU is spending up to 150 large for this study that is meant to show how much better everything could be if everyone in the EU charged the same tax rate on corporations. The same tax rate being the higher rate that France and Germany use. The one that has sent multi-national corporations fleeing to Ireland to take advantage of the tax savings.

Eoin Ryan, representing Ireland in Brussels, is aware that he's got his work cut out for him. It's a given that the bloated nations would never consider cutting their corporate tax rate, despite evidence that more revenue can be generated via volume. Mr. Kovacs, he of the forked tongue, is determined to force a wrong-headed tax strategy down the throats of the EU, a move that would be devastating for Ireland's economy.

On the other hand, eliminating the tax haven could be of benefit to the United States. If there's no profit motive in operating out of Ireland, the corporations will bring their profits home if US tax rates are lower than what will be the norm in the EU. The Internal Revenue Service might, even now, be working behind the scenes to encourage EU members to sing in perfect harmony.

My friend Margaret is forever saying that it never lasts, the boom times. The European Union is determined to turn her pessimism into dogma.

A Wedding Like No Other

Ah, Bloomington. Home to Illinois State University, a well-regarded institute of higher learning. A college where the ratio of women to men is somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 to 1. Sorry, ISU, but that's what gets talked about the most when it's college search time.

Bloomington can also boast of The Chateau of Bloomington, a fine venue for the wedding reception of any bride's dream. And on Saturday last, Bloomington laid claim to another star for their crown. They've been put on the map by that noble son of Ireland, Hilary Quinlan.

No one in Ireland had ever heard of Bloomington, Illinois before, and now it's all over the newpapers. Mr. Quinlan is no ordinary Irish citizen, you see, but he was once the mayor of Waterford City and he is currently sitting on the city council (Fine Gael, to Enda Kenny's chagrin). What did this august gentleman do that created such an uproar?

Back home, his actions would not have caused much of a ripple. It's almost common, at least at Traveller weddings, for fights to break out. So he pounded on his wife's niece, the settled community might say. Helena Brown got punched a couple of times, two other guests beat up their brother, and for that the Bloomington police were called in and arrests were made. No weapons, no bats or hurleys or brass knuckles? Not much of a brawl compared to some weddings.

Mr. Quinlan was a guest of the McLean County Jail for two nights before someone scraped up $100 for his bail. Now he's been told to appear in court on 7 November, and State's Attorney Bill Yoder is looking to see whether the Waterford councillor can leave the country between now and then. Sure and he wouldn't come back to face the music, would he, once he's away. Mr. Yoder may be forced to confiscate Mr. Quinlan's passport. Domestic battery isn't such a great crime, not like murder at any rate, but if he's done the crime, he must do the time.

The McLean County clerk and the Bloomington police spokesman are frazzled because of all the requests for information from Ireland, and trying to cut through the various brogues is really a strain. And what more can they say, anyway? About twenty wedding guests were duking it out, the police restored order, Mr. Quinlan was arrested for fighting.

What a grand affair it must have been. The bride has memories to cherish, and did the videographer get it all?

Tall Aspirations

There's no money out there, the analysts are saying. Credit has tightened, hard on the heels of a collapse in the sub-prime lending market, and that would point to a decline in new development for some period of time.

On Wednesday, Garrett Kelleher will set his Chicago Spire on the world stage, confident that he can get funding for a $1.5 billion project and that there are people out there who will buy the ultra-posh condominiums.

His confidence has a solid footing, in that the building is being designed by one of the world's leading 'starchitects'. A flat in the Spire is unique, and far different from anything that Donald Trump is trying to sell at his tower on the Chicago River. Given a choice, a status seeker would pick Calatrava over Trump any day, giving Mr. Kelleher a leg-up on the competition.

In Europe, the shaky markets have caused a ripple in consumer confidence. Real estate investment in the States was billed as a can't miss proposition, a safe place to park a few euro and earn a decent rate of return. No more, as England and Germany step in to prop up banks that are on the fringes of insolvency. Europeans may not feel that they have the extra cash to invest anywhere.

Given that Mr. Kelleher has plans to push his Calatrava confection to the European market, he's got a tough go ahead of him. He has to sell a considerable number of units before he can even think about seeking financing, and no one can say where the financial markets will be at that time. On top of that, he can expect to pay a higher interest rate, reflecting the market's perception of greater risk.

One thing in his favor is the weak dollar, which makes prices translated into euros seem absolute bargains.

In real estate, it's all about location, and Savills PLC, estate agent to the project, is touting the property values in Chicago. Not sinking like a stone, a la Miami, and not quaking unsteadily like Los Angeles.

Talk to Gerard Kenny of Palladian Development or James Kinney of Rubloff Residential Real Estate and you'd get a picture that's less than ideal. No one's project is copper-fastened, with an assured source of financing. Sean McMahon of Teng Associates has told the Chicago Tribune that the firm's Waterview Tower project, while under construction now, has not as yet secured its construction loans.

Will the Spire pierce the sky above Chicago? And why are there so many Irishmen involved in the real estate and construction markets in that city?

Three Card Monte The European Union Way

Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen. Step right up. It's time to change the way corporate taxes are paid in Europe. A little slight of hand, and can you guess which member state will give you the best tax rate on your profits? Ireland, you say? That may soon be the wrong answer.

Laszlo Kovacs has it all figured out, a brilliant way to raise the tax rate for places like Ireland and Slovakia, who are doing ever so much better than everyone else when it comes to attracting multinationals and the money they shed. Ireland won't go along with raising their tax rate, so the wise men of the EU have found a way around and soon Ireland can be just as insolvent as the rest. All for one and one for all, the EU way, as long as that way is the wrong way.

Dear Mr. Kovacs is only thinking of the multinationals who have to deal with twenty-seven individual taxing bodies. The multinationals are quite all right with it, but the EU is hell bent to change it. This isn't about what's best for the large corporations, the blood-sucking capitalists. It's what's best for the member states who can't figure out how to cut their tax rates and insist that everyone else follow in their misguided path.

How to explain this, when I'm not sure I understand it myself. Part one: Businesses operating in multiple EU venues will be told by the EU, using EU formulae, what their profits are. Part the second: The EU will take those profits and distribute them amongst the member-states where the business did business. Part C: Whatever the tax rates of the member-states getting the profits happens to be, the business will pay taxes at that rate.

But wait, there's more. The EU will push for tax harmonization so that a multinational can instead treat its many entities as one business for tax purposes. That's rather like beating someone with a hammer and then expecting them to thank you when you stop. They were happier when you weren't beating them, but you've got that urge to swing away until they cooperate. I think the Mafia operates that way, actually.

How to calculate the profit distribution? Oh, perhaps, possibly, the EU could give more profits to the country that buys the most product. For example, if Waterford crystal was selling like mad in Paris, then Waterford's profits would be apportioned to France and Ireland could go scratch, or force their citizens to out-buy the French.

Alternatively, the apportionment could be based on payroll. That way, multinationals with shell offices in Ireland would lose the tax benefit because they'd have to be taxed in the land where most of their employees work. Good heavens, that's far too obvious. Better to go with the "sales factor" instead. Ireland's but a wee small island and it could never generate sales figures like France or Germany.

The EU must have harmony in corporate taxation, but that harmony must not come from a lowering of taxes. That sort of thing just makes far too much sense from an economic point of view, and there are no economists here.

Still Not Dead Yet

The wheels of justice grind slowly. The Claddagh Pubs chain is yet in bankruptcy court, its fate still undetermined. Pat McDonagh says he still wants to buy up what's left, but that's a transaction for another day.

In the meantime, his Supermac's chain has written off EU 15 million, the amount of money that he sunk into Claddagh and doesn't expect to ever see again. The write-off represents a chunk of Supermac's profits that cannot be used for employee bonuses, charitable giving, financing new shops, or paying taxes. Write-offs aren't all bad news, after all. The twenty five shops owned by Supermac's Ireland have turned profits lately, business is up, so why not look at those profits as seed money. Mr. McDonagh has every intention of returning to America, taking charge of things himself this time, and making Claddagh Pubs succeed.

There's only so many spots in Ireland that can host a Supermac's outlet. There's no demand for Supermac's in America, but Mr. McDonagh sunk EU 15 million into Claddagh Pubs because he knew the concept was a money-making winner. As far as he is concerned, Kevin Blair botched the project, ran up too much debt and moved too quickly. Properly managed, Claddagh Pubs could be as lucrative as any other large American franchise, and Pat McDonagh has not given up on the chance to become the Ray Kroc of Irish dining.

Lies, Damn Lies, And Statistics

Bank records failed to indicate a large amount of sterling being exchanged on the day that Bertie Ahern lodged a large amount of money into his account. He said he was given sterling by friends who were helping him out financially when he split with his wife. The tribunal suggests that he could not have been given sterling notes. Who was wrong, so? The bank? Mr. Ahern believes that to be the case, as his recollection of events include a pile of sterling notes being converted to punts. Who knows what clerical errors the bank employees might have made, to not have records of all the sterling that Mr. Ahern is sure he dropped off with them.

How about the transaction of 5 December, 1994? If you use the most generous rate of exchange possible, you can calculate the value of the sum lodged as exactly $45,000. That's a lot of American currency, even if it was all in hundreds. How about that one? In theory, yes, it is mathematically possible to arrive at that value. In reality, unfortunately, there is one element missing. The records of Allied Irish Bank do not contain any evidence of an exchange of American greenbacks. No one brought 45,000 Yankee dollars to the bank to be exchanged for Irish pounds. Who is wrong this time? Those who toted up columns of numbers and came up with other numbers?

So there it stands. Mr. Ahern says he exchanged X amount of sterling but the bank records indicate that only Y amount of sterling came in. The tribunal calculated that $45,000 could have been exchanged on day Q, but the bank records do not support the hypothesis.

No matter to the Opposition, however. Enda Kenny is warming up his vocal cords, getting ready to sing out for a vote of no confidence in the taoiseach. Eamon Gilmore, freshly elected as Labour leader and feeling frisky, doesn't want to wait for the Mahon Tribunal to prepare their report, not when it could take them up to two years to draw their conclusions. He's ready to lead the charge come Friday, to confront the taoiseach about his "convoluted" testimony.

Has anyone noticed that drug traffickers are at war with one another, shooting at random like it's the American Wild West? Any talk in the Dail about the lack of adequate health care, not enough beds, that sort of thing? And the slow-down in the economy, the need to scale back on government spending, any discussions ongoing about reining in waste? I thought not.

Lack Of Engagement

Susan Ginsburg was intrigued by the premise. Of course she was intrigued, or she wouldn't have asked for the first fifty pages. The hook in the query got her.

But why has she passed on the manuscript? "I wasn't as engaged with your characters as I had hoped."

Couldn't relate to them, is that it? The historical atmosphere was there, but it was the people who were populating the imaginary world who weren't up to snuff.

I understand that sort of thing. There's many a novel I've picked up and put down after the first few chapters because I didn't care about the characters. If they solved their problem or found happiness or sunk into misery, it was all the same. I'm not a shopaholic New York City up and coming publishing industry chick on the go, and I don't care to read about them, yet there's reams of paper given over to chronicling the exploits of chicks in lit.

What else is there to do but keep querying until I find an agent who can relate?

Or maybe she was just politely saying that the writing sucked. You never can tell with these subjective things.

Mandated Universal Health

Anita Epolito used to work for Weyco, but then she got fired. Because she was a smoker. And smokers cost too much to insure.

Analysts have been criticizing Hillary Clinton's health care plan, which would allow those who like their existing employer-supplied health care coverage to keep it. Yet this job-related insurance benefit has resulted in rocketing expenses for the firms that pay for it, so how can Ms. Clinton hope to reduce the high cost of health care insurance by maintaining the status quo?

If the analysts were to connect the dots, they would see just how simple the idea is. Employers have an interest in urging their employees to remain healthy, so that they don't use their health care coverage, thereby keeping the price down. Insurance companies like to take in premiums, and they hate having to pay out on a policy. As long as workers don't get sick and go to the doctor, the insurance company offers a reward in a lower premium payment. The firms buying health insurance have to like that sort of thing.

How to keep costs down? Don't insure the sickly or the drinkers or the smokers or the eaters. So if any such types are working at the company, get rid of them. They're a drag on profits, with their expensive personal habits jacking up insurance rates.

As the unemployed unhealthy masses lose their jobs and their insurance coverage, the Federal government will then pick up the tab, but the mandate to maintain a healthy lifestyle will hold. Quit smoking or you'll have to pay a higher premium. If you can't afford it, then you're out of luck. No health insurance for you. Good luck finding a doctor to treat you when you develop lung cancer. Is that a donut in your hand, you great fat lump of high blood pressure and elevated blood glucose? Lose fifty pounds or you'll never see a doctor again, unless you're wealthy enough to pay for it yourself.

Taking a page from big health care corporations like Clarion Health, everyone will have to face mandated wellness checks. Weigh-ins and cholesterol monitoring will become part and parcel of everyone's job. Surprise urine tests, on the hunt for nicotine or illicit drugs, will become the norm at every job site.

Before long, everyone will have the choice between free living or health care coverage. Submit to routine invasions of personal privacy or come up with the cash to buy your own insurance. Puts a whole new spin on the old "Big Brother is watching you" warning.

Nous Sommes Skint

The farmers of Corsica want more money from the government, but Francois Fillon turned out his empty pockets and let them know that their government was bankrupt. Not a sou for vous, he insisted, not from a government that had not balanced its budget in over twenty-five years. Nothing better to report for 2008, either, as the planned budget is EU41.5 billion in arrears. So don't ask for more, Corsican farmers, because it's not there.

The opposition blames Mr. Sarkozy, of course, for cutting taxes. Cutting taxes is a good thing, actually, from an economic standpoint, but it must be matched with spending cuts. Just ask Alan Greenspan, or anyone else from the University of Chicago school of economic theory.

Mr. Fillon has some spending cuts in mind, starting with state pension reform. The unions are very much against any change that would reduce government spending on their members' pensions, which are quite generous. One can afford to be generous if said generosity is borrowed and left to future generations to pay. That future generation isn't voting right now, is it?

Reform is urgently needed, because borrowing to live beyond one's means cannot go on forever. You only have to look at the sub-prime lending market, and the world-wide impact of massive mortgage defaults, to see what might happen if the money well should run dry. Mr. Sarkozy would prefer to make small cuts now, rather than sit back and watch France choke to death on debt.

The Corsican farmers have felt the first nick of the knife. Sooner or later, the unions will have to accept less, or there may come a time when there's absolutely nothing at all left to give.

Cead Mile Failte, Terrorists

When not promoting impossible ecological mandates, Ireland's Green Party is also at the forefront of promoting anti-war sentiment. Together with Labour's own Michael D. Higgins (still rockin' in the Dail), they are preparing to welcome some terrorist to Ireland.

It's to be all cead mile failte to Hezbollah, which is sending its Minister of Propaganda to the conference, where he can spout rhetoric about Hezbollah as fighters against illegal occupation. Alan Shatter of Fine Gael has noticed that Ibrahim Mussawi's rhetoric is anti-Semitic and reminds the listener of 1930's Germany, but the Green Party is not troubled by this assessment. It's all about being anti-war, and who could be more anti-war than Hezbollah? They're not killing anyone who doesn't deserve to die, are they? They just want the Jews out of Israel, the interlopers, and don't go saying that the Jews were there first. That doesn't count.

The Sadr militia is sending along their beloved Dr. Qusay Abdulawahab Al-Suhail to present the Sadr spin on illegal occupation and how the Sadr Brigade is entirely not involved in murdering innocent civilians. Sunnis aren't even human, are they? They'd hardly count if you were tabulating deaths when the thrust of the forum is against war.

The U.S. has sent a little note along to the Irish government, to express their disappointment that a trusted ally and friend is opening the door to those branded as terrorists. Fianna Fail is in the unfortunate position of being in government with the Green Party, a merger of necessity, and now they're being painted with a broad brush, and in a color they don't care for at all.

What if the U.S. government paints the current coalition as a friend of terrorists? That would be the same government that regulates all the many businesses that have branches in Ireland. Eliminate a few tax breaks and those same multinational corporations would be happy to up stakes and leave Ireland, taking their tax revenue with them. The Celtic Tiger would grind to a halt in short order.

A very sensitive situation has been created by the Greens, one that will make their coalition partners most unhappy with them. How will they respond to this mess, when they have to placate the Greens to maintain the coalition and still make happy with the U.S.?

Building A Home In Dreamland

The Green Party is all about being green, and they're all about making Ireland more green now that they're in coalition. For their first foray into the heady world of environmental policy and legislation, they've mandated that which cannot be done.

From July on, new houses will have to install solar panels, in a bid to reduce CO2 levels. What about houses already planned and approved but not yet under construction? Do the plans have to be redrawn and re-examined and re-approved? Who pays for the delays? There is an answer for the last question, of course. The home buyer will pay the price because all the costs incurred in building a home are ultimately paid by the buyer.

Tom Parlon, former Progressive Democrat and now spokesman for the Construction Industry Federation summed it up nicely. The technology to build according to Green Party rules does not exist. One would have to build in some imaginary dream world to meet the requirements. Unfortunately for the would-be Irish home buyer, they exist in a most solid and real world.

How will the green houses be heated? Solar heating has been suggested, but anyone who's spent any time in Ireland will know that the land is not particularly sunny. It's not California, where solar panels are bathed in sunlight for months on end. A solar heated home in Ireland had best come with a stockpile of wool jumpers and heavy blankets. If that doesn't appeal, the builder can look to a stove that burns recycled wood pellets. Then it's up to the home owner to find a steady source of biomass to keep the pipes from freezing.

Energy efficient lighting, houses sealed up air tight, and the architects must see into the future so that they can design homes that can be upgraded in the future. For only around EU15,000 added to the price of the house, at a time when families are roaring about the sky-high cost of real estate in modern Ireland...doesn't suggest a broad backing from the public.

Like most pipe dreams, the new initiative will fade away like the morning dew. Fine Gael is decrying the hypocrisy of forcing new home owners to pony up right after Government slashes spending to help existing owners retrofit their homes. The building trades will have their say, the voters will make their opinions felt, and everyone will be reminded that no one voted to put the Green Party into Government to begin with. In the end, the pressure of opposition will come forward and snuff the initiative out with a shower of cold reality.

The Honest Thief

Gavin Farrelly is already serving ten years for his part in an armed robbery, so why would he lie in court now?

Two years ago, he joined two of his mates in a robbery of the post office in Lusk, County Dublin. His job was to smash the glass partition that separated him and the lads from the cash. The lads were charged with keeping the many customers at bay, which they did with the help of a gun. When the vast majority of gardai don't carry guns, you'd have to say that the armed criminal would have the edge in such a crime.

Next thing he knows, Gavin's two mates are dead on the floor, shot by, of all things, an armed garda. Jaysus, he's saying now, they never had a bit of warning. If the garda had shouted out that he was armed, things never would have taken the turn that they did. It's police brutality and excessive use of force and all that. The feckin' garda should be doing time for murder, he should.

What of all the witnesses who heard the garda roar out that he was armed and the robber was to drop his weapon? All the people in the deli, the people behind the post office counter, all of those who were praying to Almighty God that they get out of the place with their lives, can they be telling some whopping great lie? The woman who feared she'd never see her girls again, can anyone believe that she heard the garda give a warning?

Was your man a bit pre-occupied with the smashing? Yes he was indeed, he admitted at the inquest. Too pre-occupied, the legal team representing An Garda Siochana implied, to have heard the garda's warning or heard the shots that killed Gavin's mates before they had a chance to murder the garda and the people cowering on the floor.

Some criminals are just plain stupid. Some are such bastards that you're left wishing the garda had fired one more shot and been done with it.

Bookshop Acquisitions

The name says it all. Risk Capital Partners has set up a new company called Bookshop Acquisitions and it has already done what it says. That is, it has purchased the Irish and UK divisions of Borders for ten million pounds.

Do they sell books? Doesn't sound like it. They buy book shops. And then what? Sell them on for a profit? I picture a clutch of accountants hovering over ledgers, tallying figures and suggesting that the firm invest in book shops. They could as easily suggest gobbling up auto parts stores or any other widget producer.

Borders will maintain a 17% interest in the new firm, but after all, someone has to be on hand who knows how to sell books. In the end, that's where the profit comes from.

The Image Of Success

Businessman Denis O'Brien made a fortune in the mobile phone business. Digicel's success paid for this home in Dublin 4, a 7800 sq ft work of art that was designed by Stanislaus Orpen. When Mr. O'Brien purchased the 1904 Arts and Crafts confection, he paid EU27 million, so clearly this would have to be the home of a wealthy man. All the world could view this magnificent facade and declare unanimously that Denis O'Brien, the man from Cork, made his way in the world and reached the top.

Mr. O'Brien, however, does not see things that way. He doesn't need a historically significant work of art as far as he is concerned. He needs a mansion of modern size and scope. He needs 22,000 square feet of roaring mass on the Shrewsbury Road. He wants to tear down this beauty and put up his own personal monument to financial success.

Needless to say, An Bord Pleanala has turned down his request. Sorry that this particular structure fails to meet the grade of modern layout, building regulations and energy ratings. Pity that it is not up to the "lifestyle and living standard requirements of persons likely to seek residence" in Dublin 4. The city council feels that what is there fits with what is also there, and an overblown mansion would not blend smoothly into the existing landscape.

As much as Mr. O'Brien would like to believe that this gem does not contribute to the streetscape, a modern behemoth hulking massively over its neighbors would be an eyesore to all those around him. Not that he much cares about them, it would seem, since he is arguing that they are wrong and he should be allowed to erect a stately edifice, to let Dublin 4 know that he has arrived.

There was a time when self-made men felt that they were beholden to the country that made them, and so they funded art museums and symphonies and opera companies to serve as monuments to their success. What is today's legacy of the entrepreneur?

Posh Universal Health Care

Hillary Clinton is the first Democratic candidate to lay out a universal health care plan with a few specifics. Insurance coverage for all, she declares, to the unbridled joy of the insurance industry, but those who can afford their own insurance will be free to continue along their usual path.

The two tiered system is just what is needed to avoid the debacle that is Canadian health care. No one can get anything better than anyone else up north, which means that everyone gets shite. At least in Ireland, where both public and private health care is the norm, the rich can escape from the shite pile. Very wise of Mrs. Clinton to proffer the same for those who would elect her.

If all the public beds are taken in an Irish hospital, those with national coverage will be put on a trolley in the hall until a bed is available. Those with private coverage have their own beds set aside in all hospitals, and they have private hospitals to choose from as well. All in all, it's a better deal if you're privately insured.

And if all the private beds are taken? Recently, the Mater's private unit found itself short of bed space and lodged eight patients in a hotel. They were all scheduled for elective surgery and had no place else to stay overnight, so why not enjoy the comforts of a hotel? Far better than being told to go home and come back later, as would have happened to a commoner.

Maternity patients presenting at the Rotunda hospital were sent to the Jurys Hotel when there was no room at the inn....er, hospital. Not the laboring mothers, of course, but women who were scheduled for scans or needed a drip, strictly the low-risk category who were able to enjoy a comfortable room with maid service. Who wouldn't prefer a cozy hotel room to a bed in a crowded ward?

While the public crowds the wards and A&E, those with the means can avoid all that. Universal health care is ever so much more palatable when you can rest assured that you'll not have to sacrifice the posh care that your private insurance affords you. And you can feel good, knowing that all those others can go see a doctor whenever they like....assuming, of course, that the docket is not overly full and the beds aren't all taken already.

Leaders In Corruption

Illinois can lay claim to yet another glorious achievement. The 'Family Secrets' trial was not enough, with its tie-ins between the Chicago Outfit and local politicians. Now the state that has its last governor going to prison and its current one facing indictment can look to Congressman Jerry Weller and say, he's one of ours. On the list of the twenty two most corrupt congressmen.

He's right up there with Louisiana's darling, William Jefferson, in the panoply of the ethically challenged. Poor Mr. Weller knows nothing of his wife's finances, he says, yet he somehow managed to do some deals in Nicaragua with the aid of her family. But that's not the worst of it.

Oddly enough, Mr. Weller just happened to own some resort property in Nicaragua when he was busy promoting the Central America Free Trade Agreement in Congress. The fact that he failed to disclose his ownership of South American land was merely an oversight. As for the price of the land, that's a bit shady as well. According to Nicaraguan records, the land sold for a pittance. According to American records, it was rather pricey. It's been suggested that he was merely trying to ease the tax burden, and who wouldn't do the same?

Clever man, to buy property for development and then promote legislation that would make it a better investment and attract buyers. If his fellow House members knew that he was wheeling and dealing in Nicaraguan real estate while urging them to support a bill that would make his investments more lucrative, would Mr. Weller have been taken seriously? Would the House Speaker have suggested that he sit out the vote because of vested interests?

With that kind of background, an endless string of corrupt and sleazy politicians, is it any wonder that the people of Illinois look at Barack Obama with a jaundiced eye? You don't always pick up fleas when you sleep with dogs, but aren't the odds in the fleas' favor?

Can't Tell The Players Without A Program

One merger after another. It's getting to be nearly impossible to keep track of who is where and which is the correct address for the query.

Now it's Peter Rubie joining forces with Stephany Evans and her Imprint Agency to create......FinePrint Literary Management.

No doubt all the agents will have to be given new e-mail addresses to go along with the newest dot com on the street, so be prepared to update your address book.

Does it mean that FinePrint will be actively looking for new clients to flesh out their bare bones structure, or are the two individual agencies already quite robust and plump? Did they want nothing more than to pare down the office staff by combining facilities? A bit of a cost savings there in the fixed expenses department.

If nothing else, we all hope that the new website will be a vast improvement over Peter Rubie's existing melange that poses untold navigational hazards. Query away, and good luck to all.

Smells Like Unity

Sir Reg Empey of the UUP got a whiff of something highly unpleasant. It's the rank odor of a united Ireland, all thirty-two counties acting as a unit.

Taoiseach Bertie Ahern has been meeting with members of his Fianna Fail party to discuss the possibility of setting up shop in Northern Ireland. They mean to give Sinn Fein a run for their money, as Sinn Fein currently holds the title of Ireland's only all-island party and Fianna Fail does not intend to get left off the guest list.

Rather than start up from scratch, Fianna Fail would merge with the SDLP, a move that would strengthen the Socialist Democrats and give Fianna Fail the benefit of working with a group that's been in the trenches already.

But for the UUP, the most determined bastion of maintaining the United Kingdom of England and Ireland, the implications are horrendous. One political party making decisions in the Republic and the North sounds very much like one political party leading the North into a new union, the very same union that Sinn Fein has been proclaiming since the treaty was signed in 1922.

Politicians make the laws, and Sir Reg is frothing at the mouth, so upset is he that some Irish person might have any influence whatsoever in his little corner of the kingdom. Why, it's disruptive to the peace process, he's claimed, given that the peace process was supposed to bring peace but not change. Fianna Fail running the show at Stormont? Most unwise and unhelpful, undermines the progress achieved.

Glad to have them, says SDLP's Mark Durkan. He'd say that, of course, because the SDLP has been crying out for a united Ireland all along, albeit with a somewhat quieter voice. Besides, Fianna Fail has taken credit for the prosperity of modern Ireland as the result of their policies, and that has a decided appeal to the voters of Northern Ireland, who would like a taste of the money pie.

Any political party offering more of the same old tired policies has a tough go of it when the flashy suits and big cars come to town. That is what has Sir Reg so furious. He's got nothing pretty to show off after years of UUP influence, and the competition is going to disrupt his hold on power.